Life happens, inspirate!

The First Blog of the Year… in Almost March

I wanted to kick off this year’s first blog (yes, almost in March, but okay…) with something about fashion trends or one of the topics I had planned. But instead, I’ll talk to you about my last two months. Does that sound boring? Maybe. But here we are.

Home, Holidays, and a Total Mental Reset

I went back home for the holidays (and stay there for two months, lol), and during that time, I just couldn’t bring myself to write anything. First, because I was spending time with my friends, my family, my mom, and my two lovely dogs—whom I hadn’t seen in a year and a half. (Except for my mom, she spends a lot of time with me here in China.) And second, because the four blog topics I had planned to write about? I just wasn’t into them anymore. And honestly? I still don’t think I am.

Which got me thinking—how fast can a person change in such a short time? And why? Because I wrote the outlines for those blogs literally days before leaving for home.

Thesis Crisis? Maybe.

I also completely ignored my thesis while I was home. And the consequences? I’m suddenly questioning everything about it. Did I choose the right topic? Of course, I did. But is it the right approach? I’m not so sure anymore. Do I like it? I guess. Did I like it before? I adored it.

It’s the same feeling I get when I look at my previous blog posts—I don’t love them anymore. Not that I regret them, but I look at them now and think, the pictures could be better (I’m working on that). Still, I won’t delete them because I wrote them with a lot of effort and love. Love for finding something I truly enjoy. Because I do love writing. I always have.

Change Is Not a Bad Thing

Life happens, and it makes us change—and that’s not a bad thing. I mean, as long as you don’t turn into a horrible person, right?

I started this blog thinking I’d talk about fashion and things I like, but lately, I haven’t found anything cool enough to share. Just my thoughts and this weird phase of confusion.

I’ve never really noticed myself changing before. Like most kids, I’ve always asked my mom, When did I start to mature? What moments in my life made me change?…

And it’s not one of those situations where I suddenly think, OMG, I’m mature now. (Speaking of, funny story—back in high school, I had a classmate who had to repeat a year, so she was a bit older than most of us. Anytime someone did something even slightly dumb, she’d turn around and say, "Ugh, you’re all so immature. That’s why I don’t try to make friends with you all." And well, she didn’t have friends... for obvious reasons. Cuz she was mature of course.)

Anyway, what I mean is that this is the first time I can actually see and be conscious of the changes I’ve made as a person in a short term. I feel more confident about the things I want and don’t want to do, and I’m finally acknowledging the things I actually need instead of forcing myself into things I think I should need.

The People-Pleaser I Never Knew I Was

I never considered myself a people-pleaser, but in retrospect, I’ve always been a family pleaser.

During this trip, I realized I do a lot just to make my family happy. After spending so much time in China, where I’ve learned to do whatever I want without worrying about what others think, going back home and actually saying “no” to certain things felt… refreshing.

And I don’t know if this change has anything to do with the fact that I’ve been spoiled my whole life.

Doing Things for Myself—for the First Time

I had never worked before. Never cleaned my house. Never washed my own clothes. And honestly, I had never really needed to worry about those things. Of course, if I wanted to eat something specific, I cooked it. If I needed something cleaned or washed, I did it myself. My mom always made sure I knew how to do everything around the house, but the reality was that we had a maid who handled those tasks regularly.

Then, I moved to the other side of the world. And suddenly, if I didn’t cook, I didn’t eat. If I didn’t clean, no one else was going to do it for me.

And honestly? I love the process. Learning that life is just like that—you take care of yourself, or no one else will.

I’m blessed that, at this point in life, I only have to take care of myself. Nobody else depends on me for their survival. And I’m going to romanticize that for as long as I can.

Because I love the person I’m becoming. Even if every day, I still worry about the future. (But seriously, who doesn’tworry about money?) I have expensive taste, and I need a paycheck that can afford me… and my future children.